I love sharing with people how less than two years ago I was TERRIFIED of public speaking. I was so scared I wouldn’t even raise my hand in a large room to share something. Although I felt called to speak, I couldn’t muster up the courage until I found Speaking Circles.
This is a guest post by the incredible Paula Friedland, a Denver Host of Speaking Circles. Speaking Circles are held throughout the country – so check their main website to find a facilitator near you.
So if you are anything like what I once was – would rather DIE than speak in public – here’s a great way to build your comfidence and overcome your fears.
What are Speaking circles? Speaking circles are small groups (from 4 to 9 people), where you each have a series of timed turns up front, where you simply practice focusing on one person at a time while you let words come up naturally. This is a simple, yet profound practice that ends up transforming how you relate to and connect with your audience. It’s not about GETTING RID of the fear or anxiety or nervousness. It’s taking it with you up front, and speaking anyway. It is honoring yourself vs. shaming yourself. Transformation never comes from shaming ourselves. It comes from stepping out of our comfort zone, but with nurturing, acceptance, and support.
What are some of the main principles of this approach to public speaking?
A Series of one on one conversations: This approach focuses on making speaking a “relationship event” (person-to-person, one-on-one, warm, authentic) vs. a “performance event” (distant, staged, manipulating). In transformational speaking, you speak from the heart directly to one member of the audience at a time. It transfers a performance into an authentic conversation. So each participant has a series of turns up front, and their only job during that time, is to have a series of conversations with one person at a time in their audience. If we think of any speech as a series of conversations, it takes the pressure off; because we all know how to have a conversation.
Not content based. Rather, it is a series of turns up in front of a group where you just allow words to come in the presence of being with the audience. The focus is on allowing whatever comes up in you to be there, without judging it or trying to get rid of it. When you are able to “be with” whatever comes up (nervousness, anxiety, shaking, blushing, sweating, heart racing, etc), without judging it, you are then able to speak more freely, regardless of these things going on. THEN, ironically, these “symptoms”, start to dissipate on their own.
Being vs. Doing. We have to feel connected to people in some way before we trust them. When we are our authentic selves up front, people relate to us better and sooner. In speaking circles we practice being ourselves, by letting the words come naturally. We can then add content later, but the “being” of who we are has to be in place before adding any “doing” (like content). The connection is established first. Then the audienceWANTS TO hear what we have to say. They actually feel SEEN by you, as the speaker, and that makes them able to see and hear YOU.
Logistics: You don’t prepare any content. You simply show up, as yourself. And simply come with an open mind and an open heart and be ready to see your powerful, authentic, essence reflected back to you from your audience. This will transform the way you speak in front of any group in any setting.
If you are in Denver and would like to find out more about Speaking Circles contact Paula Friedland at www.paulafriedland.com
Paula spoke at Women, Wine, and Wellness. I loved hearing about Speaking Circles. Sounds like something to check out for sure!